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Why do good women turn bad?

This morning, I had a conversation with a man who is a vital part of my life. I divulged to him that I didn't care when it came to opening my heart to another man because many of the men in my life hadn't cared about hurting me although I gave them my all.


January 2021: I felt played for the last time! Now, that one hurt me...seriously hurt me. What hurt even more was my thinking we were good friends outside of a relationship. Tuh! When people show you who they are, believe them!


February and March 2021: I would call a guy, text another, talk with another on Messenger, have one call, hang up with him and didn't care about calling another guy immediately after.


Why? Because I was tired! I didn't care about a man's feelings because men never cared about mine...to include my dad and the cousin who molested me! I was tired of being played and hurt!


End of March into April 2021: I cut everything off because I realized that I was a woman acting like these trifling behind men I'd encountered. I realized that my heart had hardened and shut down to wanting to love again. At one point in life, I didn't understand how good women could turn bad. However, once I became that woman, I gained a vivid understanding.


In December, I wrote the following poem during a time of hurt. I have had it in my phone and was afraid to share it because of certain people. Today, I don't give half a care about judgemental people and their thoughts. I care about living in my truths so that I can continue becoming a better version of me!


The poem:


Why do good women turn bad?

Well, they gave all they had

But in return got heartache that made them sad

While these MFers walk around glad

Am I supposed to be mad?


Nah, FUGG IT!


Why should I continue feeling stupid about things that continue to hurt me?

Walking around looking dumb sending messages that are ignored...no mystery,

Especially when the books are wide open to this pattern! It's history!

So, let me write out my thoughts to ease the possibility of misery.


You see...


I gave all I had for 25 years

Came home tired as hell and STILL catered to him!

While he brought mad women into the relationship...made it about them!

That heart I had though? Tuh, he was a good azz pimp!


But, I woke up one day!

Flew to G.A.

Came back to Washington, and for the next three and a half years, on the sofa I would stay.

One year in, my mom passed away!

I was not okay!


Told my therapist I hadn't LIVED since my mom DIED

Day in and day out, I continued to cry

Smiled at work, put on a facade and lived a whole lie

I started saving my own ends to gain my piece of the pie!

Then, I met a new guy.

I was in a bad space, but let me give this a try!


Puerto Rican in Cincinnati

Wanted to call him daddy

Give him my addy

Or show him this big, ol' fatty


But I played it cool

Until he was my dude

All the way to WA...he finally flew

The first time, we stayed in a hotel room

By the end of the weekend, I finally knew

That it was time to put my big girl panties on and make this move

Got my own place! Made it do what it do!


I got caught though, but I told him over and over I'd moved on

In his face, I had several conversations with this dude on the phone

He just refused to leave me alone

Fell to his knees crying! Now he's singing MY song!

Shiddd doesn't feel good when YOU'RE being done wrong!


Does it?


But right about now, I'm feeling disgusted!

Hate this feeling that he can't be trusted

Pulled a muscle in my back four days ago, sent messages three times...completely dusted


No response when I needed him most

Yup, once again, he's gone ghost

And I don't even care anymore hence this post

Because a few days before, I was there when HE needed ME most!


But, you wonder why good women turn bad?

Well, they gave all they had

But in return got heartache that made them sad

While these MFers walk around glad

Am I supposed to be mad?


Nah, FUGG IT!


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