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I'm blessed!

I wasn't planning on writing today. However, when things are on my mind, I write. Today I'm letting you all in on a personal part of my life.

I am so grateful to have been blessed with such a wonderful daughter! She was born three and a half months earlier than her due date. She was 12 3/4 inches long and weighed a little over one pound. Later in life, she was diagnosed with Asperger's which later shifted to Autism. I love that she proved the world wrong! In kindergarten, she wouldn't talk at school; she had Selective Mutism, so she repeated kindergarten for about a month. During her second year, her teacher called us in because she would sneak behind my daughter and overhear her reading. She also caught her helping other students learn. She decided to move her to first grade where she belonged. My baby graduated from high school on time and she is doing amazing in college! She is also a very talented artist who has created her own characters and comic books. I so love her! Follow her on Instagram and Twitter: @wimbearn

Before my daughter was born, I'd given up hope of having a child. My pregnancy with her was my sixth pregnancy. I'd had four miscarriages, a premature birth with a baby who died shortly after birth, and I also delivered a stillborn after my daughter was born. These pregnancies caused me to need several D&Cs and a cerclage to keep me from dilating prematurely. My youngest sister offered to have a baby for me. I wanted my own child and was blessed with one!

I'm not writing to tell you about my pregnancies though. I'm writing to talk about a regret. You see. Once I gave birth to my daughter, I wanted another one. Having a baby gave me hope again! However, my hope was crumbled in 2011; it messed me up for a long time!

My ex husband was in the military. We'd talk all the time about having another child. He'd say, "Let's wait until after I finish with recruiting duty." I was ready to have another one, but I didn't want to be selfish, so I agreed to wait. During this time, I started missing my "monthly friend" for months at a time. When it finally came, I was bleeding very heavily...almost nonstop. I decided to make an appointment with my doctor who sent me to a specialist.

The specialist ran several tests to include a couple of ultrasounds. He called us in and told us that he recommends a hysterectomy. I was devastated! The next part is where my regret came into play. He looked at us both and asked, "Do you plan to have more children?" I looked at my ex husband because I wasn't sure my want was his. He shook his head and said, "No," so I said the same. I didn't want to force the issue because we were blessed with a child. I also didn't want to force a child on my ex if he didn't want one.

January 2o11, I had the hysterectomy. I cried all that night and the next day. I was depressed, because I had made a decision I knew would be irreversible...pleasing someone instead of pleasing me. I had a bad habit of doing that...of making everyone around me happy and forgetting my own happiness. It was too late now! My dream of having another child was history the day I had the surgery. I was only 35 when I made this lifelong decision. Mom came to watch my daughter while I had the surgery and recovered. Daily, she'd ask, "When are you getting out of bed?" I think she knew I was depressed and she did everything to cheer me up!

One day, as I was in bed, my daughter came in the room. She was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time, but she always brought a smile to my face. Once she left, I showered and reflected on the fun I'd just had with her. It was then that I realized I needed to focus on the blessing versus the loss of a possibility. I was so depressed about the hysterectomy that I lost focus of the blessing right in front of me!

Since my hysterectomy, I gained several godchildren, my boyfriend's children and his grandchild, and many students. Once I let go of what I didn't have, God showed me that He supplies all my needs in His own way! I thank Him!

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