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Losin' Control

Before I write this post, let me first apologize to those who have asked me why I stopped writing. One person sent me a text daily looking for my new posts. Another friend reminded me that I was not only helping myself, I was helping others. I hadn't had much motivation to write lately. I have found new motivation though...truly smiling again. Now...


There were a number of song lyrics that came to mind while thinking about what I'd write. "This joy I have, the world didn't give it to me. The world didn't give it. The world can't take it way." Recently, I let someone temporarily rob me of the joy that encompasses all things that make up my natural high. However, the more I read the negative things he had to say about me, the more I opened my eyes to the fact that he was never a friend. There's no way a person who was truly my friend would ever be as hurtful to me as he has been for over a week now. "When people show you who they are, (you better) believe them!"


But, y'all come closer and listen very carefully. If you keep riding through the storms, you'll eventually drive into some sunshine. My sunshine has come!


If you remember, I said, "There were a number of song lyrics that came to mind while thinking about what I'd write about this morning." Last week, I was sent a song called "Losin' Control" by an artist named Russ. Here are some of the lyrics:


"She's falling but she doesn't think he'll catch her

'Cause her last relationship was a disaster

Accusations everyday she didn't know why

All her calls would be ignored he's on his own time

Shoulda' ended it before it started All she ever got was broken hearted

He was cheating on her tryna' flip it


Back on her like a victim

Now she's all alone and starting over

Now she's got baggage on her shoulder

But the new guy really loves her

She loves him but she doesn't trust herself anymore"


When I first hear songs, I play them on repeat so as to truly understand their messages. The more I listened to the song, the more I realized why it was sent to me.


Over the past four years, I'd suffered several losses in the form of deaths and relationships. I'd tell people, "I haven't lived since my mom died." I would sit in my house depressed and numb. I wasn't living at all. I'd put on a fake smile in front of people and come home to my couch suffocating on the inside...living a public facade.


For decades, I've settled. I chose to give love to people who had funny ways of showing love in return. I stayed. Like an idiot, I stayed.


Recently, I opened my eyes, mind and heart to something new. I never went looking for this change, but I find myself smiling a genuine smile again. I find myself daydreaming again. I find myself losin' control each and every day, and I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!


"Despite her past she can't help the attraction

He tells her that he's nothing like the last one

He redefines in every way what love is

She fell for him and hasn't gotten' up since"

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