top of page

Free yourSELF!

There's always some level of excitement in my life. I've had some amazing times and some difficult times. I've remained calm at times and I've flown off the handle at times.

I am truly a nice person though. People usually say, "You're beautiful inside and out." These are those people who have taken the time to know me...TRUTHfully got to know me.

If you notice, the word "TRUTH" is in all caps? Why? Well, to be honest, I feel some people entered my life with ulterior motives. Their entries were full of consistent lies and deceit. Do you know what I did in return? I loved. Why? Because when I care about someone, I want to see them win. I get my blessings that way.

Oh, but let me shift this post for a minute or two. Remember, I said, "I've flown off the handle at times." Sometimes I care more about others than I care about myself. It's been a blessing and a curse.

January was the last time a person got to see the real, raw and uuuuuugly side of me. As soon as I clicked to send the message, I felt great!!! Well, at that time I felt great! I felt I was getting revenge for the way I was being treated during the time I needed a "friend" the most.

As I write this post, I think, 'Maybe I was more of a friend to him than he was to me." You see. I'd hear, "I'll call you back," and would get forwards in Messenger instead. I'd hear, "Oh, I got you this jersey and these Chucks," but they are still a figment of my imagination. Oh, and, the BEST part? I was sent a photo of food from the Internet and was told that he cooked it. When I did a reverse image search, found it and called him on it, I was told, "I knew you didn't trust me." The mess was in Styrofoam cups from a restaurant!!! Duh!!!

But, all of that is irrelevant. It's not the purpose of this post.

Wait. No, y'all I forgot about the dog! I gotSTA tell y'all about the dog! He doesn't know I searched the article on Facebook. The title of the news channel was on the picture. He told me that the mangy looking dog was missing and they found his dog. He said the guy who took it didn't take care of the dog and that he was going to get the dog the next day.

Y'all, when I tell YOU that it was far from the truth..the man had cropped the picture probably thinking I wouldn't be able to find it. But anyone of my friends will tell you that I am a female Inspector Gadget!

But why? The one thing I didn't understand about the lies: He knew I was legally married but sleeping on my couch for almost four years. Eventually I moved out and got my own place, but he knew my situation.

I am clowning right now because that's how I make light of horrible situations. This dude ghosted me for about 4 or 5 times. The 1st time was days after Mom died. I later found out he had a whole girlfriend. "Go go gadget...her Facebook photos!" And that's how I found the picture of him celebrating Thanksgiving with her family and her.

So, in January, I sent a horrible message! Everyone has a breaking point! I'd reach my limit! I was DONE! Right?!


When I am someone's friend and I feel I have done or said something wrong, I do my best to make it right. And, even though this guy ghosted me again, I am only in charge of me! I was wrong for what I said to him in a fit of anger. Two weeks ago, I sent him a message apologizing for my use of words. I let him know I didn't care about a relationship anymore. I miss my friend. He read it and ignored it, but, again, I am only in charge of me. I sent another message yesterday as well. Today, I logged into Instagram during my break. Lo and behold, he's on there throwing shade. We have interacted with each other for 11 years, Once we crossed over the friendship line into the relationship line, things went left.

I know I started off handing him his shade tree back, but, honestly, the friendship wasn't all bad. I will give credit where it is due. At the beginning of our relationship, I was in a suicidal space. I was in a tumultuous marriage. Then, later on the same year, my mom died; I sunk into that dark space again. During the times he was around, he actually helped me find love for me again. Shoot, the earrings I'm wearing on the home page of my site were a gift from him for my first real pair. He also bought a matching bracelet and had this rose bear made for me (remembering that I dislike real flowers).

He flew out here for my birthday and also flew here two months later...walking in the cold to ensure I had a meal ready once I came home from work (although he made it loud and clear that he only cooks Spanish food for those he love)! I never got that food. So, message received. j/k

I will still be here if he ever needs me. Last week, I completed therapy to cope with my personal life. I learned once I lose control, the other person has won. My apology has freed me!

Free yourself today! You'll feel so much better! I promise you!

5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page